Medical fatigue

Couldn't find medical fatigue as a term, but after seven and a half months of treatments I can easily say that I am now at a state of medical fatigue. It is not the cancer per se or even the difficult treatments, it is the burn out of these never-ending hospitals, pills, appointments, fatigue, blood work, daily radiation, etc.

I am getting tired of being constantly exhausted.... though I think, I actually have it easier than most. I still manage to go to parties, birthdays, occasional concerts or even Cape Cod. I even managed to play a few volleyball games a week ago -- so I am more than half-way back to normal life, and it is still exhausting. 

People who have it harder than me, with harsher side-effects, or less of a support network -- I keep thinking, how do they do it? How do they stick it out and not flip the switch to stop all treatments and just do a life reset, at least for a while?

6th day, 3rd chemo

Instead of my regular 4 day recovery, I have spent 6 days pretty much in bed, eating only cucumbers and melons.  At some point I couldn't even talk on the phone with my parents, who called to check in.

By Wednesday I crawled out of bed to go to my acupuncture appointment, and as soon as she saw me, she said that the whites of my eyes were the wrong tint and I should be barely functioning. She said I have to eat proteins, meat or beans, otherwise I will not survive.

After my now regular three and a half hour session, I got home smelling of tiger balm and forced myself to eat eggs and a can of beans....

Not sure if it was just getting out of bed, or the long acupuncture session, or the fateful can of beans that evening, but I had, for the first time during this AC chemo, an almost regular night and woke up functioning normally the next day, Again, the first in this cycle.

So, not sure what did the trick, but I'll take it.

4th day, 2nd chemo

Four days later my cough persists, though now I have a steroid inhaler; as well as the overwhelming fatigue. However, now the pattern emerges --- the next day after chemo, probably due to steroids, I tend to have a super normal day, run around like crazy and accomplish a lot. The next three days are tired, fatigued and I try to schedule activities around two-three hours in bed.

And the overall level of body weakness is much more pronounced with AC chemo. For example, a walk to the library which normally takes 20 minutes --- took more than an hour, followed by two hours in bed to recover. 

I have had a busy week: birthday celebrations, friends visiting and a second chemo treatment.  

8th chemo

Today was my 8th chemotherapy, and, boy, did I feel it.

As I settled into my corner spot for the 5 hour chemotherapy session, my usual acupuncturist was nowhere to be found, the nurse kept running back to stop the IV beeping.... and I felt like a spent battery on a  smartphone as my body ached, and my brain fogged. As if I was dragging my feet through mud and every step was like a battle. I kept thinking, now I have a name for  myself in this state, the "Fatigue Queen". 

At the same time acknowledging that I have only 4 more sessions to go with this chemo cycle. Something to celebrate.

My book club surprised me with a very generous Grubhub gift card, so by the time we crawled home from chemo we had food awaiting us, and that felt like a godsend.

4th day after 7th chemo

Let me tell you how I like Mondays -- most of the side effects wear off and I have the energy to have a normal life and to tackle mundane everyday tasks! 

This time around the side-effects were the familiar fatigue, it seems to linger a little longer each time. There's nothing like a good movie marathon to help with that. Can you imagine life before Netflix? Reading is too tiring and considering that now I have to wear glasses, headache inducing. 

However, not all was just lying in bed all day. In between the bouts of fatigue I even managed to finally organize the medical bills and that is not a small feat. It requires a skill set that most of us do not possess on a good day, let alone during chemo treatments, yet must navigate nonetheless -- those endless bills, deductions, co-payments, refunds.....

Also, now that the reality of oncoming baldness is here, I tried to learn how to tie turbans, and OMG, they make it look so easy in all those YouTube videos! One, two, three and the perfect turban... after 10 minutes, mine, on the other hand, looked crooked, constantly sliding off or to the side, and looked like something straight out of a zombie apocalypse movie.

So, at some point I gave up, got the wig out of the box and gave it a hair cut, as it seems that wearing it at least sometimes will be inevitable. Trying to embrace the chaos and have a little fun with it...

And, those mouthwatering dishes sent by Anya 💓, the cooking angel, were enough to make any foodie drool. It's like a warm hug from the inside out, nourishing not just the body, but the soul.

All together I think, my side-effected weekend was pretty great!

4th day after chemo

Sunday. It has been 4 days since my first chemo --- and the first day or two I barely had
any side effects, except the expected fatigue and inability to fall asleep at night. 

Sunday morning I woke up unable to bend my fingers, feeling like the Edward Scissorhands character. Even after an hour wearing heater gloves to ease it a bit, the horrible arthritic inflammation was here to stay. Suddenly you realize how little you can do with the unbending fingers.

Beyond that, it was the day as usual -- even managed to finish the rabbit papier-mâché for the upcoming year of the rabbit (mainly drawing eyes) and had dinner and a movie at a friend's house!